Category Archives: Relationship

Everyone you meet has a role

role for everybody

In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone you meet.
Some will test you,
some will use you,
some will love you,
and some will teach you.

But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it’s worth it.

 

Source: Unknown

Marry the Man and not his Anointing

The title of this post was derived from a story (that I consider a tale) that I read of a lady who married a guy that blew her away with his knowledge of the scriptures and passion for spiritual things. She had dumped her former boyfriend whom she had considered ‘shallow’ in the holy writ for the ‘saint’. Later on, she regrettably found out that her ‘anointed’ husband, whom she married against the advice of wise observers, was not as fascinating anymore as she discovered human weaknesses in him.

Sis, marry the man, not his anointing. Marry the man, not his money. Marry the guy, not his fame. Marry the guy, not his success.

Bro, marry the lady not her beauty. Marry the lady, not her sweet voice and exceptional talent. Marry the lady, not her model-figure. Marry the lady, not her ‘slay’ features. Marry the lady and not her sexiness.

Sis, that guy whom you call your alpha-male now; your hero from Marvel Comics and movies, might one day manifest undesirable attitudes. He might want absolute submissiveness. He might ask you to quit your job, passions and interests because he is always suspecting that some guy around where you are working is ‘competing’ for your attention. He could be so dominating and controlling and you would wonder if you are a robot or a free-thinking human. He could push you to limits where he threatens you and subjects you to fear and blackmails. He might blame you for his wrong actions and bad habits, playing on your mind until you really accept that you pushed him to do them. He might take you on emotional roller-coasters, subjecting you to so much emotional stress. He could get physical with you; push you, hit you on the face. He might manifest all the qualities that point to narcissism and you will wonder how a human being can always be right, is never wrong, never apologizes and always exonerates himself from his own wrongs. He might be sloppy with finances and be a spend-thrift. He could do certain other unpleasant things that I leave to your imagination.

Bro, one day, that lady will annoy you and, her angel-like features will not mean anything to you. That lady will say things to you that will make you pity yourself for bringing her into your home/life.  That lady will do something that you consider so stupid and, in your anger, you will wonder how you could have ever gotten to the point of making a decision to take her to the altar. That lady will do things that will tempt the beast in you (if there is any) to manifest itself. That lady will push you to your very limits and extremes of emotions (especially the unpleasant ones). As a woman, she might follow her emotions to take actions that are actually unreasonable, and as a guy who is dominantly rational, you will wonder how she could be so stupid or dull. You are likely to see the most vulnerable aspects of her (that probably no other person is aware of) and will have to make an ethical decision whether to take advantage of her or not.

Be aware of their humanity and not only their awesomeness.

Most people get attracted to the opposite sex because of something distinct and amazing about them. It could be their success, wealth, power, beauty, goal-driven nature and so forth. Yet, we need to look beneath the veil of the charisma or beauty and uncover the true nature of the person behind the façade.

No one is perfect, only God is: even angels are not perfect (remember that Satan was once a pleasant angel who later fell). Everybody has faults and weaknesses. A wise way to make a marital commitment is to do so with the full awareness that, “Yes, I know his/her weaknesses and they are the kinds that can be healed. He/she is committing to work on them.” The trite saying that, “Love is blind and marriage opens the eyes,” is not a cliché for fun. It happens to many persons. However, it isn’t too late to make amends whether you are unmarried or unhappily married. For the unmarried, please don’t be hasty. Dr D.K. Olukoya frequently says that the next important decision after salvation is the decision of whom to marry. He usually emphasizes that marriage will either make or mar your destiny. Go into it prayerfully and knowledgeably. Having butterfly feelings with the proposed-spouse is only part of the process. It is not all. What unusual/unpleasant/immoral behaviors or attitudes have you observed, but shoved under the carpet/ignored? What are your godly mentors and parents saying? What are your trusted friends saying about the person? And don’t tell me that all of them are jealous or just want to spoil your joy. If you’re in this latter position, it’s a flashing danger sign that you’re in a toxic relationship.

For the regretfully married, I humbly suggest: please seek help from a godly and professional counselor.  The emphasis is on ‘professional’ help from a counselor who fears God; a neutral person who is not going to guide you to make biased or sentimental decisions.

Summarily, singles, seek to know details about the person you are committing to. Be aware of their present and past weaknesses. Be aware of their humanity and not only their awesomeness. Also, work on yourself and be a person who is better today than yesterday. Commit to someone who is willing to build a lasting friendship with you. Not every day in marriage will be romantic, but every day with a true friend will be fun and adventurous.

Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 (NASB)

Happy New Month!

Best,

LEKE

Chika Ike’s Celebration of 5 months of #Celibacy

peace-medal-header

I really did not want to comment on this matter. But after pushing the draft of this post aside for three days, I could no longer hold myself from publishing it.

It is no longer news that a few days ago, one of Nollywood’s frontline actresses, Chika Ike took to twitter to publicise her landmark achievement in keeping herself for 5 months. Quoting her,

“I must say it[‘]s not easy being celibate… Five months and still counting…wowI”

While her intentions for the announcement are unclear, I guess it was done out of joy and sheer amazement that she had never been able to keep herself in check for that long since she first tasted the golden apple. On a lighter note, the mischievous part of me thinks she did it for one of two reasons: probably for the Pope to beatify her or for the United Nations to appoint her an Ambassador for Peace Abstinence. But is 5 months of self-denial sufficient a reason to roll out the drums for a national celebration?

About five years ago, my good friend and mentor got married. Shortly after his wedding, he told me with pride how he “verified” that his 28-year old wife was a virgin. They had both waited until their wedding night. I can imagine that his respect for the lady went above the roof. In Africa, it is still a thing of honour, even among educated young folks, when a man meets his wife intact. I know that what a person decides to do with this department of their lives is their own business and the matter remains private until they disclose it.

Anyway, Miss Chika, I admire your courage and praiseworthy decision to stop the games and wait. This is a choice that more people are encouraged to make. (My view from a godly perspective.) However, know that you can only claim success in this goal if you are able to sustain your man’s thirst until after you both say, “I do.”

My intention is not to tell off the beautiful artiste. On the contrary, I wish to encourage girls, boys, ladies and gentlemen to not settle for low standards. Set your sights high. For goodness sake, you can do better than 5 months! You can maintain a clean slate from cradle until the day you say “I do”. And just in case you have been broken (whether you’re male or female); you can still sit up today and say, like Chika,

“I will wait…until I make my marriage vows with Mr Right or Miss Gorgeous.”

Yes you can, God helping you!

Does anyone out there agree with me?


Leke Babayomi blogs at lekebabayomi.wordpress.com

Follow him on twitter @lekebabayomi

Brace yourself to purchase a copy of his soon-to-be-released book: “The Silent Killer.”


Picture credit: http://www.calegion.org/html/korean-peace-medal.html

Valentine: Hooking up and breaking up

break up

“I called off a relationship 18 months ago. But the pain seems so fresh, just like it happened yesterday. I am depressed.” – Jane

” Anytime I see her, I feel like she has a part of me that I can’t collect back. I just don’t feel complete since she walked out of my life.” – Peter

Jane and Peter (not real names) are dear friends who poured out their hearts to me.In this post, I’d like to talk about soul-ties.

Every time we enter a relationship with another person, a soul-tie is formed. Soul-ties between married couples are good. However, one with someone who is not our spouse is a drag and burden to life. Soul-ties can be broken, but it is more complicated once there was a sexual relationship involved.

The struggle Jane and Peter have since leaving the former partner is due to the unbroken soul-tie that was formed with their exes.

My advice:

  1. Don’t join the bandwagon that hooks up rashly, only to regrettably break-up later.
  2. Pray to know God’s mind once you begin to have feelings for a guy or lady. You can hear God’s mind more clearly before you get deeply emotionally involved.
  3. By all means, define all relationships with the opposite sex clearly. Ladies, please get that guy to tell you what trip he’s taking you on – whether it’s just a walk in the park or a walk to the aisle. Don’t be like the lady who almost had a heart attack when the guy she had been befriending for 3 years told her point-blank, “I only like you as a friend. But I don’t intend to marry you.”
  4. Why make more enemies? Most people are never able to be good friends with an ex for the rest of their lives.
  5. When you break a relationship, a part of you sort of dies. And getting back your real self may take some time. Why not avoid the trouble?

vals day

I am not advocating for people to remain in a troubled relationship. By all means, please walk out of any relationship that you have become convinced is not right for you. However, what I am saying is that you do not need to date and go to bed with several partners before you settle for one of the many “samplers.” Please keep yourself pure for the special person whom God has prepared for you. Shine your eyes before you enter.

As another Valentine’s Day approaches, if you are still single, you might start feeling lonelier. Who said you cannot even give yourself a treat on that day?

michael jackson

Remember that it is said that the reason Michael Jackson could not live a decent life as an adult was because he was robbed of his childhood by the pressures of the Jackson Five. Similarly, a wonderful marriage can only be produced by a person who had a wonderful single hood. So do not spend your single years in self-pity that you are yet to be “taken”. By all means, live life to the fullest now!

Remain on top!

LEKE

PS: If you wish to learn more about soul ties and how to break them, Brittaneè Perkins has a great article on that.